working on perception

So much of life is impacted by perception. I've always heard that negativity breeds more negativity. Well, on the flip side, it must be true that positivity breeds more positivity ~ right?

Yesterday, my body scared me. I was sitting and when I tried to get up my legs simply didn't work. It's hard to explain. From the hips down my legs felt numb and weak at the same time. After several minutes there was a deep aching throughout both legs. It was intense and unfamiliar. I felt helpless and confused. It happened again in one leg a few hours later.

Today I had an appointment with Dr. Round, my neurologist. I'm so thankful for my wonderful doctors. He is so knowledgeable and caring. He explained that the "episode" with my legs along with the pain I've continued to have in my bones and joints is neuropathy. He believes the symptoms are worsening because the Churg Strauss is progressing. The unfortunate news is that there is nothing I can take to make it better right now. He has high hopes that the IL5 treatment will be the key to slowing the disease and stopping the pain. It doesn't help me much now, but at least it's something to look forward to. For now, he increased my Keppra dosage in hopes it will alleviate some of the pain and other neurological problems. He certainly didn't give me good news today, but he provided solid information which is always good. 

He also gave me powerful advice. Until I am able to start the IL5, he said the best thing I can do for my body is to rest. A lot. As much as possible. It sounds so simple. The problem is that in my mind, rest = lazy. It sounds crazy, but that is ingrained in me. When I rest, no matter how terrible I feel, my mind overflows with all the "things" I feel like I should be doing. Lee has helped me immensely in this area, but it is still such a struggle. Even now, I am hearing Dr. Round's voice in my head, "The only way you will get through teaching, IVF, & getting into the IL5 study is by taking serious time to let your body rest. Your body is fighting against itself constantly. You need to give it a break and understand that you aren't like everyone else." How odd is it that I feel like he told me I need to climb Mt. Everest? I am thankful there is something I can do to help me make it through these challenges. I am uneasy about what I'll have to let go of on the way.