Tonight, I'm sitting here, trying to recap and detach simultaneously ~ a bizarre combination, but precisely the typical me thing to do. I'm wondering what I will see years down the road when I read back through this. How strong is my body and how much can it take? How will I feel about how I dealt with the hand I've been given?
Yesterday, when Dr. Huie visited, a bit more time turned into 2-4 more days. I was very concerned about the impact that would have on Mom and Dad, but otherwise felt I took it well. I miss home terribly. I know I must continue to focus on my purpose for being here - treatment from the best....treatment from the doctor and team that will NOT give up. I must believe that this is still all for good and when I'm not strong enough hundreds of others are being strong for me by the grace of God.
Today, on a bright note, dear friends arrived to visit from home! What a beautiful sight! Melodie and Debbie flew in just to be with me! Words will never express my humble appreciation for their friendship!
They arrived in time to witness the team of doctors come into my room for midday rounds. Dr. Huie took the lead this time. He was a bit more intense than before. He was concerned about my lack of improvement and diminishing lung function even on the meds. He ordered a high resolution chest CT and reminded me he was constantly talking with Dr. Olson.
After lunch, Dr. Dallas Dunn, a resident entered the room to share the CT results. He said they found a pulmonary embolism (a blood clot) in the upper right lobe of my lung. It was likely part of the explanation for my lack of improvement. It was good that they found it and something that must be acted upon immediately. They would be ordering more tests and Dr. Huie would be in to speak with me.
I was taken down for leg ultrasounds, had a labs drawn, and as if on cue, Dr. Huie walked in. He explained that he is concerned about my overall condition and he and Dr. Olson are taking every measure to care for me. To treat the blood clot, the plan is to start with a higher dose of two Lovenox shots daily and coumadin. The treatment will likely last about six months. They will constantly monitor me and make adjustments as needed. Treatment will be able to be outpatient as soon as they get the levels under control. They also feel confident that I'll be able to undergo my treatment for Churg Strauss at the same time.
What a load to take in... a pulmonary embolism... in my lung? More painful lovenox shots? Sometimes I... I just don't know... how to process what's going on or what I'm being told. I just feel like I have to take it in and go with it. Trust that this is all part of the plan and somehow, I'll be able to handle it. Somehow, I will...
As the evening was coming to a close, my night nurse, Christy came in to check on me and noticed I was bleeding out from my IV site. It had been hurting more and more all week, but today has definitely been the worst. She looked at my arms and like a true hero, didn't even try to redo it on her own, she sent in the Charge Nurse who is apparently an IV champion. Removing the old IV was actually more painful than starting the new one. As soon as it was in, she gave me my first full dose of Lovenox, which nearly sent me over the edge. Melodie and Debbie did their thing to fill the room with crazy stories of total nonsense. I had a few bites of roasted tomato soup hand delivered by them from the Madison Street Cafe (a new Denver fave) and they headed off to their hotel room.
What will I see when I look back? I want to believe that I will see the real me... living my life and not letting my circumstances rule me. I hope I will see someone I am proud to look back on....
