I guess if I'm gonna be honest, a lot about what I'm going through (& what I've been going through) can be considered tough. Somehow though, I can convince myself to handle a lot. I can usually put things into perspective and remember that this is life ~ my life. The thing that really weighs on me, really gets to me though, is failure. The worst part is that in my head I know that I have no control over these things. I know that it's not my fault per se that I continue to get bad test results. But it's still a VERY tough mental game. It's hard to stop myself from feeling like a failure each time the results are shared with me. My body has become my worst enemy. I'm constantly fighting against myself and rarely winning.
I've started pulmonary rehab again, but it is completely different than the program that Dr. Thompson's office provided. The program here at National Jewish is much more intense and finely tuned to my specific needs. Each session is only thirty minutes ~ thirty killer minutes. It's thirty minutes that highlight all the things I can't do anymore. I am constantly reminding myself that I've been through a lot & my body is fighting against me. Emily is the most amazing physical therapist and she is supportive and constantly encouraging. She refuses to let me forget I am getting stronger. I know that I can beat this too. It's just another obstacle I've had to acknowledge.
