Even though I was desensitized and ready, I was still nervous (whether I wanted anyone to know it or not)! How could I not be? I was about to undergo a procedure (that they were calling a surgery) on my heart which wasn't even a medical concern in my life one month ago! Yeah, I was nervous. I didn't like the idea of a big tube being stuck in through the artery in my groin and threaded up through my body to my heart. I didn't like the idea of being strong on the outside while I was falling apart on the inside and completely freaking out! I knew God was in control and still totally believed it was all for good. I was just scared about what was happening in the right now. Once again though, God did give me the strength to pull it together.
We went to the University of Colorado Hospital in Denver and checked in on the third floor at six o'clock in the morning. It didn't take long for them to call me back to prep me for everything. I dressed in their lovely hospital gown and waited for the Fellow to come and talk with us. He discussed the timeline and procedures with me and my parents and wheeled me away.
In the cath lab, there were four people with me. Mike, the nurse that stayed near my head most of the time and answered any questions I had along with his other duties. Sarah, another nurse who stayed at the other end of the table and worked with monitors and other things. The Fellow, (sadly I don't recall his name) who worked side by side with Dr. Carroll and of course, Dr. Carroll. As Mike and Sarah prepped me for the procedure they were very talkative and friendly. They did their best to make me as comfortable as possible. Dr. Carroll came in and told Mike that he could not give me any sedative at all for the procedure. Mike grabbed my hand and whispered, "It's okay, you're tough, you won't even need it. I'll be right here the whole time." I didn't know whether to be comforted or concerned. My mind was just a whirlwind of thoughts and confusion. For some reason, I focused in on my O2 sats on the only monitor I could really see and just fixated on that and my heart rate. I was watching my stats go up and down as I listened to the doctors talk about things I didn't really understand.
Suddenly, Dr. Carroll got very quiet, asked for more of something and then shouted, "Oh my gosh! That hole is huge! Look at that hole!" I asked Mike if that was rare. His eyes were very big as he nodded yes. Minutes later, Dr. Carroll seemed frustrated as he was whispering something to the Fellow. I heard him say, "This problem is much more significant than we expected." I calmly called his name from the table, "Dr. Carroll, what do you mean, more significant?" He took a deep breath, almost as if he'd forgotten I was awake, he walked closer to my head and said, "I can't repair the hole or the other defect through the cath, Toni. You're going to have to have open heart surgery." "When?" I asked. "Immediately, you can't get back on a plane. These problems are too serious. I know the best surgeon and I'll call him as soon as I get out of here."
I don't remember a lot more about what happened after that conversation. Mom and Dad said he came out and talked with them very openly about his surprise and how uncommon the defects were. He said he would have a surgeon named Dr. David Campbell call me personally to talk to me and schedule the surgery. He was sure he would take the case because it was so intriguing.
We spent the rest of the afternoon at the hotel resting after the procedure. Everything that I had felt before the cath was gone. It's so hard to describe how I was feeling that afternoon. It's almost like I was in shock ~ as if I wasn't feeling anything but "okayness".
