This was a very long Monday. Debbie and Melodie were winding down to fly home and Mom and Dad were clearly hitting a wall of stress and exhaustion. So much was in the air but not being said.
The good news was that I actually had some air movement in my lungs, but I was having a harder time fighting the effects of the treatments. I fell asleep for part of the late morning while my visitors patiently watched time pass.
Dr. Cosgrove entered the room around 3:00 and stayed to talk with us for an inordinate amount of time. He was thorough, sincere, and resolved. He explained once again the serious nature of my condition and how they are dedicated to me and only what is best for me specifically, regardless of what it talks. He discussed the complexity of my rare conditions and why that has made treatment, diagnosis, care and improvement so difficult. He immediately made it clear that I am no challenge they are ever going to walk away from. He wants me to believe that even though it will be tough, he and Dr. Olson are determined to help me to better days. A lot will need to change. He relayed that it will be more difficult for (even me) to push through. I will also be on a very intense schedule with the doctor to monitor everything about every treatment and how they are interacting with one another. It will be a long road, but they believe there is hope. Right now, the things that are working against me are all things he and Dr. Olson are trying to find alternatives for so I can regain strength .... and fight again.
This has been a lot to take in, and of course I'm recounting it all in a vague overview. It's just so blurry, so hard to absorb. I am believing that things were revealed here all in part of God's great plan of good for me. He had to know that this is where true action would be taken and His plan would follow course. So once again, as tough and painful as things are now, more than ever I have to find a way to focus on the ultimate good of His plan.
Speaking of ill effects and the way my body is reacting to the treatments, this evening was pretty rough. My veins are taking a true beating from the IV meds and unfortunately they weren't the strongest blood pumpers in the first place. My IV site gave out this afternoon and had to be changed before my next treatment. It didn't go near as smoothly as last time. It took eight tries, three specialists, and a vein ultrasound to finally get a successful new IV started. With each careful try, the vein would blow with more intense pain than the one before. With a disappointed look, the IV nurse told Mom after landing the "successful" site that it would not likely last long. It has made it through the first few treatments, but constantly aches. Once again, I have to shift my focus, I have to look at what is good and what is coming. I can handle this, I am stronger than this pain. I am alive and I am on course for better days.
