That's my new default answer. People were getting upset with "I'm fine" so I had to find a new line..."I'm alright" seems to be my new go to phrase. The thing is, it's actually true sometimes, so I don't feel so bad saying it. The funny thing is that most people think I'm doing GREAT because I can totally pull off the "look" no longer than I'm at work. That's a good thing because people have worried about me way too much.
Tomorrow will mark the fourth week of my Churg Strauss treatment. My dosage has been doubled once already. Hopefully it won't need to be increased again. I'm due for labs mid week to make sure my body is tolerating it "properly". The side effects haven't exactly been fun. It seems to average out that I spend every other day throwing up ~ so I suppose I should be thankful it's not every single day.
The treatment is completely destroying my INR level as expected. My doctor has continued to increase my coumadin dosage but my INR still isn't stable. I'm having it checked again tomorrow. It seems like it is higher now because I smashed my finger today and it bled endlessly from beneath the nail. It sounds crazy, but I hope that is a sign that my level is closer 2.5!
Finally, I guess I should talk about strength & work. :( I wasn't cleared to go back to work full time, so I'm still working half days. Today was the first day of my third week back. I've tried to pretend like I'm loving it. I thought it would get better. I'm hoping the problem is that I'm just working mornings and sharing my job with a sub. It's time to be honest with myself though, I'm hating it. I'm absolutely hating it. I've never hated my job so much. I feel completely lost ~ out of the loop. I have no idea what's going on after I'm gone. I missed so much while I was gone. I don't feel part of things at all anymore. I feel completely disconnected. I missed too much and I can't get it back. I can't make it up. I also don't feel good half the time I'm at work. I am so sick of pretending that I feel great. I'm exhausted by 9:00 a.m. Some days are certainly better than others but I can't go on like this. I want to love my job again.
I'm just tired and ready for the fight to be over. I want my life back.
