Sometimes I really just want to politely say, "no thank you" when facing life. I'm sure everyone does. It would be nice to forget it all for a while. I still believe that one day, I'll have that. I'm holding on to the dream that one day I'll be a healthy person who only goes to the doctor for that yearly physical or even better, for starting my family...
one day...
For now though, I suppose I'm facing another giant. I got the email this week that blast cells appeared on my labs again. This time they were at a high percentage on two blood tests. I was told to wait until Thursday morning and have the labs drawn again. She will let me know the results and next steps by Monday.
deep breath...
I had the labs drawn this morning. I hate to admit that I'm not as ok as I want to be. It's easier when I'm with my students. I get involved with them and my mind doesn't wonder as much. It still stinks, a lot. Everything in me believes that things have not gotten this much better in the last few months just so I can be diagnosed with leukemia.
Right?
Right! That's what I must hold on to. I do know that I am loved. I am loved so very much and whatever happens when I get that call, we'll be able to handle. It just would've been a lot easier to have replied, "no thank you" and have ignored that email than to be waiting here now, not knowing.
