I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to worry about myself a little. Looking back, I can see that I've been disconnecting in a way, little by little over the past few months. I guess it's been my way of dealing. I've been trying this and that for any type of escape. I've been numb to emotions yet feel like my heart is constantly crumbling at the same time. I think I could easily spiral out of control. I don't know how much more I can handle and I'm not sure if I really believe anymore. I want to & I think I still can...I'm just not sure.
Dr. Neal's nurse called Tuesday about my labs that were drawn Monday. My H&H level is down to 8.4. He is extremely concerned. He said I needed to get into my PCP immediately to have it addressed.
Well, I called Dr. Raghavan & saw her today. She was more baffled by the labs. She seemed to be at a loss for what to do. She kept asking me what Dr. Olson would do. Well, I don't know because this has never happened before when I've been with Dr. Olson! She did diagnose me with bronchitis & a sinus infection, but couldn't figure out what to do about the mysterious blood loss. I finally told her I needed to be somewhere and she said to just return next week to have the levels checked again. If they are still low, she wants to do a transfusion.
I can't begin to recount the thoughts that flooded my head as I drove away. Talk about being baffled! Just then, the phone rang and it was Kaci, calling for Dr. Olson. She had also received a copy of the labs and was quite concerned. I told her what my doctors were doing (or not doing). She insisted I stop taking my treatment medicine because it could be the source of the problem. She said she would call my PCP and share her thoughts. I am supposed to go back on Tuesday for more labs.
I don't want to process all the what ifs of this situation. I just know that this treatment was supposed to be my answer. At the time, there wasn't another option. I don't want to face the thought of not being able to have this treatment...
