I am so fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life. I am certain I would not have made it this far without them. The past few days, I've really been leaning on my loved ones and reminded once again how different my National Jewish doctors are.
Saturday, Lee and I were shopping. I felt a wave of dizziness as the salesman was helping him. I didn't think much of it and just leaned against the counter until it passed. Minutes later, we were in the back of the store. Everything the salesman was saying seemed to be mumbled. I remember the room flooding to blackness. I opened my eyes and realized I was on the floor. The room seemed to be spinning and I was nauseous. Lee was next to me, calm, but ready to act. I felt completely humiliated, out of control & confused, but I also felt safe knowing he was with me. We spent the rest of the afternoon taking it easy & quietly hoping it was a one time thing.
Assuming it would be a one time occurrence was my mistake. It happened again at work in my classroom Sunday afternoon. The dizziness seemed to be more frequent. I was feeling more out of control and unsteady. Somehow, I made it through work Monday without incident. Luckily I had a follow up appointment with my neurologist, Dr. Round. When I described the episodes to him, he said he didn't think it was seizure related & recommended that I visit a primary care doctor. I was at a loss. This summer, Dr. Olson and Dr. Pearson spent a ridiculous amount of time convincing me that syncope is a BIG deal. Now it's happening again & I feel like I shouldn't shrug it off. I tried to tell a doctor & it resulted in me feeling like a drama queen. I didn't get it. It seems my body didn't either. It happened again twice that evening. The first time ended in a not so graceful tumble down the stairs into the basement door. I couldn't escape the spinning room even when I was lying down or sitting still. At a loss for a better option, I agreed to go to the ER. After a few tests and many questions, the doctor concluded they couldn't do anything for me. He kindly recommended moving slowly and sent us on our way.
I felt like I was reliving a nightmare from my past. How could this be nothing? What was wrong with me? Was I overreacting? Was I being a baby? What a waste of time and money. I was disgusted, completely frustrated with my body, and a bit scared about it happening again. What if it happened at work? How could I stop it? Who could I turn to for help? I didn't know what to do so I just tried to stay positive. I knew I needed to stay calm and just hope I would be better in the morning.
Unfortunately my powers of positive thinking didn't work on my body. I did all I could to get through the morning carefully. I changed routines so that I could remain as stationery as possible while the kids were with me. Walking to the lunchroom was almost more than I could handle. I felt myself getting dizzier and more unsteady with each step. I knew I just needed to get my lunch from the fridge and make it to the table. I could do that. I opened the fridge door and carefully stooped to grab my bag. The room started to go black and I felt flushed. I remember grabbing the door, taking a slow breath, & chanting in my head that I could make it. I recall slowly moving from the fridge..... I came to surrounded by voices and a huge commotion. It had happened again. I was on the floor in the lunchroom. My head was hurting, I felt confused, and I was freezing cold. There was nothing I could do to make it better. Someone called an ambulance and before I knew it the EMTs were rolling me away. I felt like I was abandoning my students and my responsibilities. I was heartbroken. I just wanted to do my job. I had done everything recommended and couldn't stop it from happening. What hope did I have that this trip to the ER would be any different? I could only think of how worried Lee, Mom, and Dad would be. Being rushed to the hospital from work is a big deal. How could I make this better for them? I just needed someone to help me...
