So I was doing something I rarely do a few nights ago, I was watching TV with a friend. It was a ridiculous episode of The Big Bang Theory where Sheldon is facing his "mortal enemy". The whole thing kinda popped in my head again today after I had time to process a call from Kaci. She simply let me know that the oral steroids aren't helping me enough anymore so Dr. Olson and Dr. Katial have decided to start me on kenalog injections beginning tomorrow morning.
I know in the scheme of things it shouldn't seem like such a big deal. I'm good at handling things, so why not just handle this and roll on... Well, because I'm tired of steroids. No, that's not even the truth. I'm not tired of them, I hate them. In the way that Sheldon felt complete disdain for Wesley Crusher in that silly episode, that's how I feel about steroids. They have a million terrible side effects that are all working perfectly in my body, but the simple job of helping me to breathe continuously... for some reason that just can't happen. So now, because there is no other option the insurance will currently approve, I get to switch from taking my harsh enemy orally to being injected with another freaking needle.
It'd be different if I could believe that it might work, but I know it won't. It's just a band-aid to keep me out of the hospital until enough time passes for the insurance approval period is up for the treatment they want to start me on. Who's to even say that drug is going to work? Back in October they really thought this one would be the answer. All I know is that I don't know... anything. I'm tired, and lost, and ........ and I just don't know.
