11:51 pm
the same as 3:00 am for me on a normal night
this isn't a normal night though
I've actually become quite the sleeper and I love it. I'm thankful for each night that I drift off to sleep at a remarkably early hour. I think of it as making up for all those sleepless years. Another sign of progress on my journey toward being well.
this clearly isn't a normal night
I'm wide awake. My mind is racing. I've tossed and turned. I've read and I've showered. I finally realized....... I'm nervous. I can't sleep because I'm nervous. I also realized there's something really special about how I'm feeling. I'm filled with that true, all for good kind of nervous feeling. I realized that every thought that has been racing through my head is.... good - hopeful - faith-filled. I'm not worried. I'm not upset. I'm not sad.
I'm just nervous.
I'm anticipating the "good" I believe is coming.
Today, I had my first set of labs drawn since Dr. Olson switched me over to prednisolone. For the first time in ages I'm looking forward to Nurse Rebecca's call. I catch myself hoping she'll call early. I feel completely hopeful that she'll have good news. I truly believe this medicine is working and my eosinophils will be normal. I just know it will be a good call and we'll get to take the next step toward enrolling me into Dr. Wechsler's IL5 drug study. I'm hopeful.
My appointment with Dr. Minjarez was also changed today. They found an opening for me this Wednesday. Seriously, this Wednesday. No need to wait a full month to see her. In less than two days we'll have more information about our road toward growing our family. I almost lose my breath when I think about it. I feel so nervous, so hopeful, so faith-filled.
All in all, I'm actually okay with the fact that I'm wide awake tonight. I'm soaking it all in. I'm thanking God for carrying me through and for having a purpose for me. My life is a gift.
Nervous just means I care.
