I believe in celebrating victories and milestones because I've learned that I must be thankful for what I have while I have it. I must live in this moment and thank God for the miracle that it is. At the beginning of March I celebrated one year of NO hospital stays! It was hard for me to wrap my head around the magnificent milestone. It was real! I made it! We all made it! My life has changed so much in the last few years. I am thankful for each part of this journey.
I'm glad I celebrated that milestone because the good run came to an end this week. Nurse Rebecca called me at school on Tuesday. I could tell she didn't seem her usual chipper self. She said my lab results were in and Dr. Olson wanted me to go straight to the hospital. It wasn't a time to argue or bargain. She already knows me well. It was serious and I needed medical attention immediately. My eosinophils had spiked to a dangerous level and the prednisone I was on did not seem to be fighting them.
I had all the expected thoughts flooding into my head. The ultimate fact was that I was not well, my health was in danger, and I had to go to the hospital. I met with Kay. She lovingly and without hesitation took care of my class.
Lee met me at the hospital. The news wasn't what we hoped for, but we were prepared. They admitted me to a room and a sweet nurse took us upstairs. I was not prepared for what happened next. As she wheeled me into the room I had an instant full body reaction that I could not control. It was the exact same room that I spent that long and traumatic month in back in October of 2011. I have looked back on that month as a time that doctors and friends rallied around me in a way that is so incredible and humbling words will not do it justice. I think of it as a time when my road to wellness and my fight became more serious than ever. It is bizarre to me how even though I feel like I've let go of the pain and terrible memories of that month, my body clearly remembers it in vivid detail. Every muscle in my body tensed, I started having more trouble breathing, I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. Each part of the room I looked at made terrible and painful experiences flash in my head. I couldn't stop it.
My wonderful Lee, with tears in his eyes insisted the nurse move me to a different room. It was like he was reliving the pain with me. He held me through it and reminded me it was in the past. It made me realize that I've come a long way, but my experiences are still with me. It made me even more thankful of this life I'm blessed to live.
On the brighter side, I had another full body reaction during this hospital stay. I experienced overwhelming joy when I received uplifting and encouraging texts from my new colleagues and my new family. I will never be able to thank people enough for taking the time to send texts when I am in the middle of "medical stuff". It is incredible to feel what kind words and loving support does for the my fight.
