What a journey this has been! I know it's far from over, but I can handle that. I'm back in the saddle and just hoping for hope. Sometimes I just have to take a step back and simplify.
Today I am going through a tailor-made, Dr. Olson style experiment. What a gift that she cares so much about me to constantly go above and beyond fighting for me. I adore her. I'm getting a tweaked version of the pharmacokinetics testing I've gone through in the past. This time, she's testing for hope. It's pretty clear that the prednisone has NOT been working in me for some unknown reason. Rather than testing to prove what we know, she's testing to see if liquid prednisolone WILL work. Lee and I are just as excited as she is! We're all hoping for hope today. The good that could come from this absolutely makes me smile. I truly can't wait for a "good" lab report.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Our American Dream
The American Dream - yep, I wanted it. Ten years ago, I truly thought it wasn't in the cards for me. I was prepared to live with that. Last July everything changed. Lee proposed. We shared a dream. We shared hope and excitement. In October doctors gave us tangible hope in the form of a timeline. Six more months of treatment and we could focus on Baby Gibson. My body had a different plan in the spring though, and Dr. Wechsler asked us to hold off until May. In May, I was more unstable. The delay was understood and no new timeline was mentioned. It hurt. We held on to hope.
June has been a tough one. Meds haven't been doing their job. The fight has gotten harder. The calls from National Jewish have become more frequent and less positive. Dr. Olson admitted she is concerned about me carrying a baby. She asked me to get an appointment with Dr. Forschner (Rocky Mountain Women's Care).
I did. In his office, that moment, on that day, his words were devastating. "It's time for you to look into other options like surrogacy." He had done research on my disease. Taking my medical history into consideration, he said he believed I could get pregnant. I would likely make it through the first and second trimesters. In the third trimester, he said it would be very likely that my body would not win the battle. He said Lee would likely be facing a decision to save me or the baby.
Devastated.
I haven't been able to stop the thoughts from popping into my head. I kept realizing things I wouldn't get to experience. I won't let this crush me. I still have hope. I know from experience that these challenges in my life are ultimately for good. I know this can be all for good. Lee is such a gift to me. His strength, love, and optimism carries me through. We are such a team. We believe the American dream is ours to have. In fact, we believe we are living it now. We have each other, Jackson, a beautiful home, jobs we love, hope and the miracle of the future.
Dr. Olson, my team, my loved ones and I are fighting even harder to find the secret to my wellness. We are following Dr. Forschner's advice and believing that Baby Gibson is still a possibility. We are thankful for our American Dream.
June has been a tough one. Meds haven't been doing their job. The fight has gotten harder. The calls from National Jewish have become more frequent and less positive. Dr. Olson admitted she is concerned about me carrying a baby. She asked me to get an appointment with Dr. Forschner (Rocky Mountain Women's Care).
I did. In his office, that moment, on that day, his words were devastating. "It's time for you to look into other options like surrogacy." He had done research on my disease. Taking my medical history into consideration, he said he believed I could get pregnant. I would likely make it through the first and second trimesters. In the third trimester, he said it would be very likely that my body would not win the battle. He said Lee would likely be facing a decision to save me or the baby.
Devastated.
I haven't been able to stop the thoughts from popping into my head. I kept realizing things I wouldn't get to experience. I won't let this crush me. I still have hope. I know from experience that these challenges in my life are ultimately for good. I know this can be all for good. Lee is such a gift to me. His strength, love, and optimism carries me through. We are such a team. We believe the American dream is ours to have. In fact, we believe we are living it now. We have each other, Jackson, a beautiful home, jobs we love, hope and the miracle of the future.
Dr. Olson, my team, my loved ones and I are fighting even harder to find the secret to my wellness. We are following Dr. Forschner's advice and believing that Baby Gibson is still a possibility. We are thankful for our American Dream.
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