Today I had an appointment at Anschutz Inpatient Pavilion with Dr. Wendy Tzou. As I was walking across the parking lot, I glanced up at the building and froze. I realized this is the first time I've walked into this building since the morning of my open heart surgery. I felt a rush of emotions and memories as I stared up at the tall building and the name imprinted across the top. I felt uncomfortably alone in that moment. I wished so much for someone to be walking in with me. I felt terribly alone and even a little scared as I sat in the waiting room. I know I wasn't there for heart surgery this time, but it was still an intense experience. Sometimes it feels like my coping skills just crumble and my body needs me to acknowledge what it's going through. This stuff is a big deal. It is scary and that's okay. It's okay to try to be strong, but I need to realize it's also okay to be let my body feel what it's going through.
The appointment was a success all in all. Dr. Tzou confirmed Dr. Fenster's diagnosis of POTS. She said there is no need for the tilt testing or any other testing because the diagnosis is solid. She confirmed that it is a condition that I will simply have to learn to deal with. Dizziness and feelings of motion sickness will be part of my life. Changing positions cautiously has already made a difference for me. I will also continue to be on midodrine which will help to increase my blood pressure. I'll take this as a medical victory because it seems to have a straightforward plan of action. Thank you Dr. Tzou and Dr. Fenster for helping me.
