time to face reality

Time to face it for sure. I need to take a deep breath, gather my strength, and do what I know is best for me. Yep, I said it, ME. It's time to make this real, believe that everyone will understand this is where I need to be, and acknowledge what I've known for a while.

 Denver is where I need to live.

Dr. Olson and I spoke at length today and she was quite blunt with me. (I guess she knew I needed that.)  Things aren't going to be any different if I go back to Lexington right now. Honestly, everyone who knows me has been thinking the same thing ~ just afraid to speak it. The same old cycle will start all over again. I won't be able to be the teacher I want to be, I'll continue to miss days, and everyone I love will continue to worry that one day soon, I'll push my body too far.

Yes, it's tough. Are you kidding? It's really tough. I have an entire state of people supporting me, but I'm here, 1400 miles away alone with my dog. But now I'm finally taking this leap of faith. That's actually what makes it easier to handle though. I know... completely and totally KNOW deep down that this is right. Denver is exactly, undoubtedly where I am supposed to be at this time in my life. I have no ill thoughts about how long this has taken or the road I've traveled to get here. That was all necessary ~ part of me & my story. I really wouldn't change a thing. On that note though, I don't want to miss another thing. I refuse to let fear stop me from enjoying this beautiful life. I know everything is going to be good and it will completely outweigh the hard times.

This decision opens the door to new hope. Maybe I'll be able to teach again...in a classroom, exercise whenever I want without pain, have the family I've always dreamed about, and bring joy to my loved ones rather than worry.

I'm officially moving to Denver.

Life with eCardio

The bright side is that I'm not in the hospital anymore! So woo hoo to that tid bit of news! My release was conditional though. In order to be released I had to agree to wear a lovely heart monitor for the next thirty days. Oh yes - that's no typo, I said 30 days!!! The reality is that they seem to believe whatever is going on with my heart and these episodes of syncope & dizziness are nothing to sneeze at. So, this is what needs to happen to monitor my heart and treat the problem. I can get behind that.

Not without a little humor though. :)  Seriously, let me describe this lovely thing. It's like a mini fanny pack or those fabulous man-satchels you see on all the most fashionable hips with cell phones secured safely in place. I feel like Robo-Cop with all the freaky wires protruding from my body. I mean come on, this thing is something to behold & I get to enjoy it for thirty days. Then, to make it even funnier, when my heart does decide to be bizarre or "have and event" as the doctors prefer to say, this crazy alarm goes off that makes Jackson bury his head! It's quite comical!

Anyhow, today is only day three with my friend eCardio. I'm sure the next 27 days will be filled with fun times, great memories, and most importantly (hopefully) good medical information.

Syncope ~ a fun word for a not so fun event

Wow, talk about a big blow. I admit, I'm really spiraling here. I'm back in the hospital less than a week after being released. I'm feeling undescribably alone. And worst of all, I feel like I'm losing any last grip that I had on beating this stuff and having a normal life soon. I know that sounds ridiculously pessimistic and dismal, but seriously, I've had enough.

I knew I seemed to be having more trouble than usual bouncing back from being in the hospital. I was just feeling so weak and run down all the time. I had no stamina. Saturday I passed out a couple of times. I know looking back now, I should have known better. I should have realized something was wrong, but I didn't. I honestly attributed it to my weakness and the hospital and assumed it was a passing thing. Sunday, I started to black out a few times, but never lost consciousness. The dizzy & light-headed events continued to happen for the next few days. In my appointment with Dr. Olson she could tell I wasn't 100% so she questioned me until I finally told her what had been happening. Of course, it was a huge deal to her. She ordered several tests and ran down to talk with Dr. Fenster.

My EKG was abnormal. The information still baffles me, but basically the intervals were too short and it did show on repeated tests. My ENO was also still in the 100s which really bothered me since I was just in the hospital on loads of IV steroids. What's the deal with my body?! Anyhow, when Dr. Olson came back in the room, she seemed very concerned. She told me they were sending me back to the hospital for tests and observation and there was no other safe option. :( 

Honestly, I do love the outstanding level of medical care I receive here. I know this is where I need to be and they have my best interests in mind. Right now, sitting in this bed on this unusually painful IV, with my head spinning and all these monitors hooked to me, I'm really hating my body...