Monday, April 30, 2012

Spring in Denver

Well, this isn't exactly medical, but I thought I'd use an entry to blog about the beauty around me. As much as I love the weather, landscape, and life in Kentucky, I think I've grown to love it all here just the same. There's just something about making the most of where you are to me. I don't want to look back and feel like I missed out on something wonderful that was right at my fingertips. I know sometimes I push myself a little to hard, but I feel like it's worth it. Life is worth experiencing.

Cheesman Park

Jackson & pal Mugsy enjoying chasing rocks in Cherry Creek

The first hint of Spring beauty!

More Spring braving the Denver chill.

The best dog park ever! Cherry Creek State Park!


A birthday gift just for me (& the rest of CO!)

Another birthday treat ~ a cupcake from CuppyCakes!

RoboMike ~ 16th Streets Finest :)

Beautiful Boulder ~ Mt. Sanitas Trail

More from hiking in Boulder...

Susan & Katie with the 14th Street Bear

One (yep, that's just ONE) biscuit w/creole gravy from Lucille's

Overlooking Denver in the distance from Red Rocks
A rare unicorn peep for my birthday from my PT, Emily!


Rockies vs Diamondbacks @ Coors Stadium!!!

The Botanic Gardens ~ I want one of these in my yard!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

I hate steroids as much as I hate food...

So I was doing something I rarely do a few nights ago, I was watching TV with a friend. It was a ridiculous episode of The Big Bang Theory where Sheldon is facing his "mortal enemy". The whole thing kinda popped in my head again today after I had time to process a call from Kaci. She simply let me know that the oral steroids aren't helping me enough anymore so Dr. Olson and Dr. Katial have decided to start me on kenalog injections beginning tomorrow morning.

I know in the scheme of things it shouldn't seem like such a big deal. I'm good at handling things, so why not just handle this and roll on... Well, because I'm tired of steroids. No, that's not even the truth. I'm not tired of them, I hate them. In the way that Sheldon felt complete disdain for Wesley Crusher in that silly episode, that's how I feel about steroids. They have a million terrible side effects that are all working perfectly in my body, but the simple job of helping me to breathe continuously... for some reason that just can't happen. So now, because there is no other option the insurance will currently approve, I get to switch from taking my harsh enemy orally to being injected with another freaking needle.

It'd be different if I could believe that it might work, but I know it won't. It's just a band-aid to keep me out of the hospital until enough time passes for the insurance approval period is up for the treatment they want to start me on. Who's to even say that drug is going to work? Back in October they really thought this one would be the answer. All I know is that I don't know... anything. I'm tired, and lost, and ........ and I just don't know.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Some days are just a little crummy

I woke today anticipating the warm sunshine I would get to enjoy after my half~day of appointments. It's almost always beautiful here, but it's been quite a while since we've had truly warm days. Unfortunately, my body had a different plan. During rehab my vision started to blur and I started getting dizzy. By the time I moved on to my second appointment the world was in full spin. I was feeling weak and achy. Just an hour later, I was in the exam room with Dr. Olson. I felt terrible. I had spiked a fever and was coughing and stuffy. It was so bizarre. She ordered several tests and decided to keep me around for the better part of the day to monitor me. Around 3:30 she sent me home to rest since my symptoms were stable.

The worst part about it all... I didn't get to enjoy the warm, sunny day. :(

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

for now, we CELEBRATE!!!

Today was the day. The phone rang. National Jewish popped up on my screen & Dr. Olson's voice was on the other end. There was no time to get nervous about the impending news or even think. I could tell from her, "Hellllooo Toni" that she was very excited! It was all good. She said she couldn't wait another minute to call me. She'd just spoken with Dr. Feiner and had most of the lab results. The blast cells were simply gone and I DO NOT have leukemia right now! She said, "for now, we celebrate!" It was so great to hear her happiness and relief through the phone.

I know I'm still in the high risk catagory for developing these cells & I very well could have to go through this again one day. For now though, I am overjoyed and thankful for this undeserved blessing of Good Good news!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Blasted Blood

I've honestly had more blood tests than I can count since I've been here. Dr. Katial and Dr. Olson are still quite concerned about my hemoglobin and iron levels. Both levels have continued to drop for over a month now for no obvious reason. Being on coumadin complicates the matter because they've been unable to perform some of the procedures they'd like to do to further investigate the problem. They are trying to wait until I'm able to stop taking the coumadin, which should be mid-April. Dr. Olson referred me to a highly regarded specialist at Rose's Rocky Mountain Cancer Center. Dr. Feiner is an oncologist/hematologist. I spent most of the day in his office two weeks ago undergoing some pretty intense tests. I returned for a follow-up appointment this week for the results.

It was nothing new to hear him tell me that the test results were not definitive. He suggested his plan for now concerning some things and spent time explaining my particular blood deficiencies and abnormalities. He let me know that although my white blood cell count was in the normal range, I had some "weird" cells that Dr. Olson was concerned about. He ordered more tests for that along with tests to further investigate my pulmonary embolism. He let me know he'd call me in a week with the results.

I didn't think much about it all until my appointment with Dr. Olson. She asked what he'd shared with me and then pulled my lab results up on the computer. She said the "weird" cells were actually called blast cells and could be quite serious. They appeared in a high percentage on my labs last Friday. She explained that in some cases this can be a sign of acute leukemia. Because of my medical history, I'm apparently in a higher risk catagory for developing leukemia. She assured me that Dr. Feiner is one of the best in his field and as soon as he contacts her with the results, she'll talk with me. She also wanted me to know that she feels like there will be another explanation for the blast cells in my case... that it will be nothing major. She just wanted to be open with me and let me know what we could be facing.

Today I went in for a few more blood tests and another chemical irritant challenge. My peak flows haven't been as stable for the past week and I've been dealing with a few more negative side effects from the treatments/meds. The nausea is creeping back. I spent quite a bit of time today throwing up. The good news is that I haven't had to deal with that in a long time, the bad news is that I don't know why it's happening again now. Even though my body is having a pretty rough week physically, I actually feel good about how I'm handling everything mentally and emotionally. I guess it's big stuff to hear that you're doctor thinks you could have leukemia, but I'm really okay. Truly. I've come a long way in the past few years and I've learned that could is pretty powerful word. I also have learned that anytime these amazing doctors find an answer, even if it's scary as hell, it's still better than no answer. And finally, I know that I've made it this far. For some freaky, crazy reason, God  has kept me around. It seems reasonable to me that I should continue to believe that He's got this.

So, whatever comes of my blasted blood, I know it will be, well, it'll be okay. It'll really be okay.